Many Interests but Few Passions

When I look at 40 years of my life I realize that I have many interests but few passions.  I suppose most everyone would come to this conclusion but when this thought came to me today I decided to take inventory of my life.

First, I am passionate about God.  Perhaps not as passionate as I should be but he is such a major part of my life and thought process that it is impossible to make it through a day without thinking about what the Father and his son Jesus mean to my very existence.  God has given me the ability to avoid pitfalls, love others and have the confidence of spending eternity in the comfort and peace of his protection.  I can see God in the most simple, loving and nurturing way.  Just as a child would see a father, yet at the same time I can also see him as the most complex, holy, powerful and unchanging being. Even if given a thousand lifetimes I could not comprehend his vast knowledge, wisdom and strength.  When God speaks to me, he speaks primarily through the scriptures, circumstance and others. Last night as a lay awake in bed I prayed, "Are you still there? Are you still waiting for me?"  The answer was "I will never leave you nor forsake you."  It came to mind because I had memorized it from scripture.  He had already spoken this to me many years ago and I just had to recall it.  Some people get all wrapped up in listening for and audible voice which God will do on occasion but I am happy with what he has already told me.
I am passionate about God.

Next, I am passionate about my family.  Again probably not as passionate as I should be but none the less I am still very passionate about them. I have a desire to love them and for them to love me. I am interested in my kids and what they do at school, how they play sports and how they live their lives.   I love my wife who has given me two beautiful children and almost 20 years of bliss.  She has been there during stressful and difficult times to help me and encourage me.  Yes we have the occasional argument, but we have a great deal more meaningful and engaging conversations.  We have had awesome times of laughing over silly jokes and praying over serious matters.  I see so many other friends and relatives filing for divorce and I thank God for such a loving and understanding wife. I pray that God will continue his hedge of protection around my family.  The world will try to take my children from me and only God's protection will stop them. May God's blessings never end.
I am passionate about my family.

Finally I am passionate about creativity.  I love to see the creativity of God in nature.  Look at the artwork painted by God every day. The hummingbird's iridescent coloring, the splash of colors on a rainbow trout, shades of brown and rust on a deer among the forest trees and the warm color of the morning sunrise breaking through the clouds.  But there is more to creativity than just God's most noticeable paintings in nature.  God gave humans the ability to paint the morning sun, draw a rainbow trout,  take a photograph of a hummingbird and sculpt the deer standing in the forest.  As if all of these abilities were not enough he gave some the ability to sing his praises and play musical instruments to his glory. Creativity in us is a reflection of God's creativity. Perhaps this is one of the reasons that early puritans like Jonathan Edwards were so enamored with God's creation.
 I am passionate about creativity.

What is your reason for singing?

After pondering the results of a somewhat humiliating singing audition for a local mega church, all kinds of thoughts flooded my head. I began to question all I had done in my life as a church musician.  Am I really that bad?  What do I need to do to improve?  What where the people who auditioned me looking for because they sure didn't tell me. Am I average, slightly better than average?  All I got from them was, "I can use you at Christmas."  The looks on their faces were as if they were playing poker, waiting on a face card and instead they got a pair of twos.

I knew going in that I was not a practiced harmonizer.  In the past it was not important to me as I normally sing as a lead or as the song leader himself.  In fact, I didn't even know the songs I was singing, but can I use that as an excuse to dismiss ineptitude?  For a solid day, I thought and mulled over all these questions and more.  Doubt after doubt consumed me.  Then suddenly while talking to my friend who is an accomplished musician in his own right, I realized that I was thinking about this all wrong.  I had lost sight of one important concept. The thought that came to me was: what was my reason for singing?  Immediately my mind raced to the early days where I didn't care about an audience or singing with the best.  Back then it was just me and God. I would sing for hours to his glory with just  my guitar, hymns and some praise music.  I had lost sight that I was singing for God's glory and as a sacrifice to Him.  Everything else, no matter how grand is nothing in relation to this one important issue.

After realizing that God was indeed my primary audience, the burden of anger and disappointment was lifted.  Truly I had lost sight of the one thing that sets the Christian singer apart from a world of singers.  I know this sounds overly simplified and perhaps it is, but I had started to lose sight of that simple, yet powerful concept, that when I strip everything away there is God waiting for me to put on a concert of love and admiration for Him.  I am not saying I will not play for an audience of more than one but I sure know where to begin anew.

I hope someone who has gone through disappointment in the church will read this and find their true calling. I know I have renewed mine. 

Dangerous Heart Boot Camp - The Review

A friend of mine recently invited me to attend a men's Bible conference in the Reidsville are of North Carolina called the Dangerous Heart Boot Camp.  Now before you go hit the back button on your browser because you think this is a Christian militia group, let me just say that it is nothing even close to the militia madness from the western parts of the US.  This post will outline the experience I had as objectively as possible from a Biblical perspective.

Why is there a Boot Camp Experience
The web site of the group who organize this event used these lines to help describe the event: "A Boot Camp is not about the seven things a man ought to do to be a nicer guy or a more productive church member.  It is about the recovery and release of your heart, your passion, your true nature which was given to you by God."  This group believes that many men have been moved out of their role in which God has given them.  They believe that men are by nature dangerous in the sense that men enjoy doing fairly dangerous activities.  Among these activities are hunting, fishing, rock climbing, shooting and fishing.  Men have been forced by society into office cubicles where they get lazy and often fat in both body and spirit.  Men have lost their way as fathers, husbands and God worshipers.

How did I Prepare for the Boot Camp Experience
Part of the preparation for this journey involved reading the book called Wild at Heart by John Elderidge.  I found this book to be an easy read in about a day's time.  The book explores how God as a warrior with a warriors spirit, passed that attribute on to man. Since we are created in God's image who is a warrior as stated in Exodus, then we too have a warrior's spirit. The book also discusses father wounds which many men carry.  These wounds such as having no father or having a father who is not there for them has caused many men to lose  focus on what is important in life.  These wounds take them out of the game to sit eternally on the bench.

I found this book quite interesting in many ways but there are some issues that I take with it.  First, the book uses some rather terrible movies for illustrating a point in the male christian's life journey.  By terrible, I do not mean that they are inherently evil movies as far as plot but they take God's name in vain often and I have a real problem with that.  I had such a problem with it that it is convicting me to stop watching these types of movies all together.  I don't have to explore the Holy Scriptures very far to find a command against this type of behavior. "You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name." Exodus 20:7.  The ministry's response to this is that they do not endorse the material as far as the language being used, but I would argue that by showing it they do not have a problem with listening to it over and over again.  This is a misuse of his name. This group of men also does not take issue with saying words such as da** or a**. Matthew 5:37 refers to this type of language "All you need to say is simply 'Yes' or 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one." (Colossians 3:5-9),  Yes these words are not taking God's name in vain but they offer no redeeming value to a Christian.   Next, and importantly, the book does have a great many excellent examples of Biblical Christianity. It explores topics such as putting God first and not letting others destroy your relationship with him, the reason men turn to homosexuality and how to deal with not faking Christianity and becoming who Christ meant the man to be.

Finally, I prepared by praying. They ask the participants to pray everyday from protection from the evil one and that he would not keep people from attending and hearing what God has for them.  This is good and not unexpected from a group of believers. I would say in fact that this is primary to any event focused on God. As an aside, I was attacked by a nasty virus only a few hours after reading this book.  I'll let you draw your own conclusions on why that happened.

What Happened at the Boot Camp
I heard one man say to another "I expected it to be much more physically active."  In fact that is not at all what this event is about.  This event has very little do with physical strength but rather it has to do with a warriors heart.  A heart that is dangerous to Satan and his followers.  It is a spiritual journey that I found personally challenging and enlightening.

One of the concepts presented at the event as well as the book is the idea that men go through life as fakes or in their vernacular, Posers.  They define a poser as someone who puts up a false front or a mask to hide his true feelings and deeds.  He is a deceiver haunted by the fact that he isn't at all what the bible describes as a true believer but wants everyone to think he is. The Bible calls this person a hypocrite.  Wow, right at the heart of the matter for sure!  That is a message we all need to hear and take to heart.

Next, there is a concept called the "Covenant of Silence."  Right out of the 1,200 AD playbook, this is a time of reflection usually lasting for about an hour and happening several times a day.  During the Covenant of Silence, the "recruit" is asked not to speak to others but focus on what God has to say to him.  This was a truly great experience.  I remember as a teenager sitting at home alone talking to God about everything from my day to what his will was for my life. I remember that feeling that I was actually talking to God and he was right there beside me.  I did feel that slightly at this event, but I really need to do this more to get back to a closer relationship with him.

God allowed me to see the brokenness of other men. Men who had suffered terrible wounding as children and adults.  Men who needed God more than they ever have. It was a humbling yet hopeful feeling that this gave me.  I had a great father, mother and grandparents.  Together all of them filled in the cracks I would sustain in my life, but there was no one there to fill the cracks that developed on these men's souls. Until now that is!

Next, I really thought this concept of "finding God's name" for you was an interesting topic.  I don't know how biblical it is but it is reminiscent of finding out what my spiritual gift is.  They asked me to listen for an audible response from God.  For example, my name might be "Defender of God's Name."  At any rate whether God has a name for us or not, it makes one think about all the attributes I may be missing in his life. For example do I have a weakness for becoming too angry? My name might be "Man of Peace."

Finally, we had a great time of fellowship through food, target shooting, fishing and skeet shooting.  It was a man's event for sure and well worth the time.

What I Missed Seeing at Boot Camp
First, I missed the awesome power of God and the respect and fear that men should have for him. The fact that we should fall on our face before a Holy God and ask him to forgive us and help us. The fact that God made us and can take us out in a heart beat.  Yes, God loves us with a love that no one else will ever have for us!  He loved us so much in fact that he sent his Son to be killed for us on a Roman cross.  A cross of total shame!  In exploring God's warrior attributes this was sadly left out or at least I did not see it that much.  At one point they did discuss God's restraint when killing a large group of evildoers.

Secondly, they told us on the final day that God will never send us anywhere that we do not want to go.  This is completely not biblical.  All anyone has to do is read the stories of Jonah, Moses and Peter to find plenty of support against this.  Jonah didn't want to go to Nineveh, Moses didn't want to go to Egypt and Peter didn't want to take the gospel to the gentiles.

Finally, the idea of total depravity was brushed under the rug.  Yes, I know this is often thought of as a Calvanist trait, but the fact is that before our heart is cleansed and the Holy Spirit enters in, we are condemned to die and our hearts are "desperately wicked."  In Luke 18:19 Christ asked the people why they called him good.  In fact he said that no one is good but [God] the Father.

Conclusion
It may at times seem that I had a negative experience at this event and if you thought that while reading this then you would be wrong.  Completely wrong!  In fact, I found this Boot Camp to challenge why I believe what I believe, how I can be a better father, and how I can better balance my work life with the responsibilities God has given me as the head of the home.  I would recommend it to secure believers who can spot theology that might not be in line with scriptures or that at least they go to the event with a strong believer to help them parse the information presented in a better way.  They are not going to give you any damaging doctrine here so don't panic.  In fact, you might actually learn something.

The Dangerous Heart Boot Camp Website:  http://dangerousheart.net/DangerousHeart/Welcome.html

Worship Auditioning vs. the Sunday Night Solo

First, let me say that I have been singing and playing music for many years.  I have been a music leader, a singer/soloist, bassist and guitarist and there is nothing more daunting then the idea of standing in front of several well schooled musicians and being asked to audition.

To provide a little back story, I recently started becoming involved in large church in our area with a membership in the thousands and as you can imagine there are many great singers and musicians who are actively in ministry there.  Beginning my worship adventure at this church involved first, meeting with the worship staff for lunch. The lunch was a great way to meet one of the ministers of music and get his insight into what the church needed and how I might fit.  Conversations ranged from my experience as a bassist and singer to how I accepted Christ into my life.  The lunch ended with my decision to start singing in choir immediately and see what happens from there.

 I am now three weeks into the journey and my experience so far has been wonderful.  The people seem very nice, genuine and happy to help, but soon the inevitable questions had to be asked.  Is the choir the only outlet for my talent here?  In order to find out the answer to this important question, I had to setup a time to perform an audition.  I contacted the office and setup a time for next Wednesday.

Now, I find myself doubting my skills and trying to find a way out of the Christian version of American Idol.  My doubt has led to other questions surrounding this process.  For example, "is it acceptable to hold formal auditions?"   I think the answer is yes, but what is the cost to the layman musician?  In the past, I have only been involved in small and mid-sized churches.  In these churches talent is found by the concept known as the "Sunday night solo."  For those who grew up in traditional Baptist churches you know exactly what I mean, but for the uninitiated, here is pretty much how that process works.

Usually, someone who knows you can sing, will mention to the music leader that Matt can really sing and you should ask him to sing a solo some night.  Inevitability the music leader will find you and ask you to sing one night for special music (a lost art in today's church).  The beauty of this approach is the pressure is really on no one but the singer.  If he doesn't do too well then no one really cares and no one asks him to join the choir or sing on the worship team.  Everyone is let of the hook with no issues.  If he does really well then someone will ask him to sing more specials or sing in the choir/praise team and so forth.  This approach has worked for hundreds of years in the Baptist Church, but today we have a more formal approach.  We have the audition.

The audition, involves the singer coming to the church building one day and singing a song (usually of his own choice) for one or more music leaders.  After hearing the singer sing, the leaders will make a decision where this person would best fit or not fit at all.  To the already fragile ego of a singer this process can be devastating to say the least.  In a perfect world, it is just a formality to see where to best put this new singer.  In the real world, the singer may be told that he has no place and his vocals will not fit into the current format for the organization.  Imagine someone who has been singing their whole life for God and suddenly their music ministry is shattered within a five minute conversation.  After sharing it this way, I think you will see that the old system is much better on the singer.

So where does that leave us?  Well, we live in an imperfect world and music is much about opinion.  Some like to hear high pitched sopranos and some find them annoying.  Some like the high tenor and others prefer the baritone. We all have and example of a song where the singer is mediocre but we love the arrangement and the combination works for some reason.  In the end, it is really up to God and where he wants us.  In the face of rejection we must press on and finish that race!  We can't let fear of failure define us as people of God!  

It's Been a Long Time

I went to our Christmas musical last night at Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, NC and I remembered the fun I had playing music and singing for God.  It was always a pleasure to sing for the one who created my voice.

About two years ago I went through a very trying time as a musician and follower of Christ.  I got caught in the crossfire of a disagreement about music in the Baptist church and was dismissed along with the current pastor.  I did not stand and fight but just walked away.  Although I didn't harbor a great deal of ill feeling toward the church, the situation did cause emotional issues toward music.  That day I came home, put my guitar on the its hanger and never went back.  When I say "I never went back", I mean I stopped everything entirely.  No singing, no guitar, no bass guitar.  Everything stopped, along with all my ambition to follow my calling.

I sit here today and still have not picked up my guitar or sang for God.  Oh, I sing at home or in the car, but I don't sing in the choir or play anymore.  Apathy has overtaken me but for  that small spark  I saw last night if only for a moment.  The desire is still there, somewhere deep within me, but it is hard to access its flame.  Other Christians will no doubt read this at some point and tell me to get back in the saddle and fight the fight and to you I say thank you.  Others will say "Good, I hate modern music anyway!"  The sad problem here is that I like almost all music that honors God.  I like hymns, mountain music, praise and some of the rocky stuff if it is done properly.

So where does all this leave me?  Well it leaves me on the sidelines and out of the fight.  It leaves me a benchwarmer for Christ and that is not good.  Others who are not musicians do not understand what this kind of thing does to a christian musician.  Music cuts to the soul of someone who sings for God.  It is the driving force in his relationship with God and spurs him on to read scripture and pray.   I can't explain it completely but others who sing or play in church know what I mean. David had this same relationship with his Lord.  It is an intimate relationship which cannot be understood.  David did an awesome job of putting it into words in the Psalms, but I have a feeling if you asked him today he would say that words cannot do it justice.  That relationship transcends words!  I remember sitting in my dorm room 20 years ago at Liberty University playing my guitar and singing to God for hours on end.  Only after being completely exhausted would I stop, fall onto my bed and pray myself to sleep.  What happened to that passion and dedication to God.  That feeling as if I and God were the only beings on earth.

Perhaps in the coming year I will return and I pray return stronger than ever with God's help but for now I sit and wait. The guitar waits on its wall hanger, dusty and its strings tarnished.  I will wait for the fire to burn again.

Including Hymn Instrumentals in Your Church Service

Although I am very much a big fan of modern worship songs there is certainly a place for more traditional music.  Specifically I think it would be nice to see different instruments such as the guitar playing instrumental traditional songs.  Times where they are appropriate are during the offering or as a prelude or postlude. 

I recently purchased a DVD instructional video called "Hymns for the Guitar" by Pete Huttlinger.  First I definitely do recommend this as a good starting place to put some instrumental hymns into your morning worship lineup.  Below I will list the pros and cons to the DVD and which songs I feel would get you up and running quickly.

Pros:

• Pete is an awesome guitar player.  Learning from him is truly learning from a master.
• The arrangements of the hymns are not your typical piano style traditional arrangements although they do still sound traditional.  Most of the arrangements use drop d  tuning.
• Most of the DVD is for finger style play which I would expect from a finger style guitarist but I did like that he put one song in there for the flat picker called "Be Thou My Vision" and man it is a simple and beautiful arrangement.

Cons:

• Perter is a good teacher but the production of the DVD was not as good as it could be.  For example, a good director would have told him to go into a little more detail in some of the more trickier chord progressions.  For example, in Be Thou My Vision, in the fourth measure, he is using some unusual chord shapes and he is moving up the neck to the 12th fret.  I had to re watch this spot about 10 times and finally ended up going to the tab to piece it together better.

Conclusion:

Definitely buy this DVD.  A good starting point for the intermediate player is "Be Thou My Vision."  This song offers a very nice and simple arrangement using a flat pick which most players are more comfortable using anyway.  If you are an advanced beginner or intermediate player, don't go for the gusto and pick the most difficult piece.  Remember when you get in front of an audience things change quite a bit.  The part that was easy during practice now seems much more difficult and the part that was difficult in practice can be a train wreck live.  Keep it simple and build confidence and playing skills. 

Here is a bit of advice that has helped me get used to playing solos in front of an audience.  Go totally unplugged, show up to church early and just hang out on stage going through some of your pieces.  This is a great, almost no pressure way to get past the nerves and see how well you do under a bit of pressure.   People will begin to come in and sit down and some will walk past you as you play. You may even get the occasional person to sit down and listen to you.  Once you have successfully made it through your songs for several weeks in a row using this method it is then time to go live.  You would be surprised what a difference it makes.  Its all about attaining that comfort level with the music and your audience.

Pete Huttlinger

I recently ran across an acoustic guitar player by the name of Peter Huttlinger.  Peter plays a variety of different styles and genres all on the acoustic guitar.  Over the past year Pete has apparently  had some very difficult health issues and this has caused his family to be burdened with medical bills.  I urge you to visit his site and buy some of his music.  Believe me you won't be disappointed in his playing!  I don't know if Pete is a believer or not but he has put out several instructional videos on playing sacred music that I would recommend.

Here is a sample of his hymn instructional DVDs: