I went to our Christmas musical last night at Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, NC and I remembered the fun I had playing music and singing for God. It was always a pleasure to sing for the one who created my voice.
About two years ago I went through a very trying time as a musician and follower of Christ. I got caught in the crossfire of a disagreement about music in the Baptist church and was dismissed along with the current pastor. I did not stand and fight but just walked away. Although I didn't harbor a great deal of ill feeling toward the church, the situation did cause emotional issues toward music. That day I came home, put my guitar on the its hanger and never went back. When I say "I never went back", I mean I stopped everything entirely. No singing, no guitar, no bass guitar. Everything stopped, along with all my ambition to follow my calling.
I sit here today and still have not picked up my guitar or sang for God. Oh, I sing at home or in the car, but I don't sing in the choir or play anymore. Apathy has overtaken me but for that small spark I saw last night if only for a moment. The desire is still there, somewhere deep within me, but it is hard to access its flame. Other Christians will no doubt read this at some point and tell me to get back in the saddle and fight the fight and to you I say thank you. Others will say "Good, I hate modern music anyway!" The sad problem here is that I like almost all music that honors God. I like hymns, mountain music, praise and some of the rocky stuff if it is done properly.
So where does all this leave me? Well it leaves me on the sidelines and out of the fight. It leaves me a benchwarmer for Christ and that is not good. Others who are not musicians do not understand what this kind of thing does to a christian musician. Music cuts to the soul of someone who sings for God. It is the driving force in his relationship with God and spurs him on to read scripture and pray. I can't explain it completely but others who sing or play in church know what I mean. David had this same relationship with his Lord. It is an intimate relationship which cannot be understood. David did an awesome job of putting it into words in the Psalms, but I have a feeling if you asked him today he would say that words cannot do it justice. That relationship transcends words! I remember sitting in my dorm room 20 years ago at Liberty University playing my guitar and singing to God for hours on end. Only after being completely exhausted would I stop, fall onto my bed and pray myself to sleep. What happened to that passion and dedication to God. That feeling as if I and God were the only beings on earth.
Perhaps in the coming year I will return and I pray return stronger than ever with God's help but for now I sit and wait. The guitar waits on its wall hanger, dusty and its strings tarnished. I will wait for the fire to burn again.
About two years ago I went through a very trying time as a musician and follower of Christ. I got caught in the crossfire of a disagreement about music in the Baptist church and was dismissed along with the current pastor. I did not stand and fight but just walked away. Although I didn't harbor a great deal of ill feeling toward the church, the situation did cause emotional issues toward music. That day I came home, put my guitar on the its hanger and never went back. When I say "I never went back", I mean I stopped everything entirely. No singing, no guitar, no bass guitar. Everything stopped, along with all my ambition to follow my calling.
I sit here today and still have not picked up my guitar or sang for God. Oh, I sing at home or in the car, but I don't sing in the choir or play anymore. Apathy has overtaken me but for that small spark I saw last night if only for a moment. The desire is still there, somewhere deep within me, but it is hard to access its flame. Other Christians will no doubt read this at some point and tell me to get back in the saddle and fight the fight and to you I say thank you. Others will say "Good, I hate modern music anyway!" The sad problem here is that I like almost all music that honors God. I like hymns, mountain music, praise and some of the rocky stuff if it is done properly.
So where does all this leave me? Well it leaves me on the sidelines and out of the fight. It leaves me a benchwarmer for Christ and that is not good. Others who are not musicians do not understand what this kind of thing does to a christian musician. Music cuts to the soul of someone who sings for God. It is the driving force in his relationship with God and spurs him on to read scripture and pray. I can't explain it completely but others who sing or play in church know what I mean. David had this same relationship with his Lord. It is an intimate relationship which cannot be understood. David did an awesome job of putting it into words in the Psalms, but I have a feeling if you asked him today he would say that words cannot do it justice. That relationship transcends words! I remember sitting in my dorm room 20 years ago at Liberty University playing my guitar and singing to God for hours on end. Only after being completely exhausted would I stop, fall onto my bed and pray myself to sleep. What happened to that passion and dedication to God. That feeling as if I and God were the only beings on earth.
Perhaps in the coming year I will return and I pray return stronger than ever with God's help but for now I sit and wait. The guitar waits on its wall hanger, dusty and its strings tarnished. I will wait for the fire to burn again.
