After pondering the results of a somewhat humiliating singing audition for a local mega church, all kinds of thoughts flooded my head. I began to question all I had done in my life as a church musician. Am I really that bad? What do I need to do to improve? What where the people who auditioned me looking for because they sure didn't tell me. Am I average, slightly better than average? All I got from them was, "I can use you at Christmas." The looks on their faces were as if they were playing poker, waiting on a face card and instead they got a pair of twos.
I knew going in that I was not a practiced harmonizer. In the past it was not important to me as I normally sing as a lead or as the song leader himself. In fact, I didn't even know the songs I was singing, but can I use that as an excuse to dismiss ineptitude? For a solid day, I thought and mulled over all these questions and more. Doubt after doubt consumed me. Then suddenly while talking to my friend who is an accomplished musician in his own right, I realized that I was thinking about this all wrong. I had lost sight of one important concept. The thought that came to me was: what was my reason for singing? Immediately my mind raced to the early days where I didn't care about an audience or singing with the best. Back then it was just me and God. I would sing for hours to his glory with just my guitar, hymns and some praise music. I had lost sight that I was singing for God's glory and as a sacrifice to Him. Everything else, no matter how grand is nothing in relation to this one important issue.
After realizing that God was indeed my primary audience, the burden of anger and disappointment was lifted. Truly I had lost sight of the one thing that sets the Christian singer apart from a world of singers. I know this sounds overly simplified and perhaps it is, but I had started to lose sight of that simple, yet powerful concept, that when I strip everything away there is God waiting for me to put on a concert of love and admiration for Him. I am not saying I will not play for an audience of more than one but I sure know where to begin anew.
I hope someone who has gone through disappointment in the church will read this and find their true calling. I know I have renewed mine.
I knew going in that I was not a practiced harmonizer. In the past it was not important to me as I normally sing as a lead or as the song leader himself. In fact, I didn't even know the songs I was singing, but can I use that as an excuse to dismiss ineptitude? For a solid day, I thought and mulled over all these questions and more. Doubt after doubt consumed me. Then suddenly while talking to my friend who is an accomplished musician in his own right, I realized that I was thinking about this all wrong. I had lost sight of one important concept. The thought that came to me was: what was my reason for singing? Immediately my mind raced to the early days where I didn't care about an audience or singing with the best. Back then it was just me and God. I would sing for hours to his glory with just my guitar, hymns and some praise music. I had lost sight that I was singing for God's glory and as a sacrifice to Him. Everything else, no matter how grand is nothing in relation to this one important issue.
After realizing that God was indeed my primary audience, the burden of anger and disappointment was lifted. Truly I had lost sight of the one thing that sets the Christian singer apart from a world of singers. I know this sounds overly simplified and perhaps it is, but I had started to lose sight of that simple, yet powerful concept, that when I strip everything away there is God waiting for me to put on a concert of love and admiration for Him. I am not saying I will not play for an audience of more than one but I sure know where to begin anew.
I hope someone who has gone through disappointment in the church will read this and find their true calling. I know I have renewed mine.
And God, who sees what is done in secret... :)
ReplyDeleteAmen brother!
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